I meet Nitu everywhere I go

A few days ago I was attending Cardiac Anesthesia conference in Chennai. We were about to ride a bus arranged to take us to the venue. I happened to get on the bus alone full of unknown people from Chennai. I introduced myself as Dr. Alka Mandke to the young boy sitting next to me and asked who he was. He said he is a cardiac surgeon. I said my husband was a cardiac surgeon too. He asked my name again and suddenly stood up and joined his hands in respect. I asked what happened. He said, "Madam, your husband was a great man. I did not know anything about him until I heard him deliver presidential address in year 2002 here in Chennai. I had just joined Mch Cardiac surgery course then and I was so impressed with his speech that I have still kept the print of the speech and use it for inspiration every now and then. I am very glad to meet you. We still feel surprised and sad the way he passed away. It was indeed a great loss for us..." and he went on... This was very unexpected and yet a pleasant surprise. I remembered the time we were in Chennai for that Presidential Address with my daughters Charuta and Jui. Nitu was seriously ill the previous day due to some severe allergy. When he gave the Presidential address the next day that mesmerised some 700 odd doctors, there was no sign of his illness of the day before. It felt really nice to have met this young doctor who remembered that speech he'd heard 7 years back as if it happened yesterday! I am reminded of Nitu's tenacity, oratory skills and vision with such incidents and that moves me on...

Nitu as President of Indian Association of Cardiovascular and Thoracic Surgeons (IACTS) with other members of the executive committee.

Nitu's 6th Memorial Program

It has been 6 years since Nitu left us. In his fond memory, an evening was organised at Ravindra Natyamandir, Mumbai. Over the period of 32 years as a Cardiac Surgeon, Nitu has operated on over 12,000 patients from different strata of society.

Four of them shared their thoughts and experiences about their beloved doctor -

1) Dr. Sambhargi, operated in 1997, was recently awarded as a practicing doctor after the age of 75

2) Maharudra Swami, operated in 1994 for the second time, is a Farmer's son from a small village near Nanded. Nitu had taken full responsibility for his treatment including hospital expenses.

3) Chandrakant Shimankar, operated in 1986, is a farmer. On hearing of Nitu's sudden demise, Chandrakant walked from his village for 2 days to attend the condolence meeting on 24th May 2003.

4) Dr. Sanjay Mone, operated in 2000 on his first wedding anniversary, is a popular Marathi theatre and film personality.

Since Nitu was very fond of music and fine arts a group of young singers & musicians performed at the memorial concert. The program was well appreciated by all. Thank you for all your love and continual support.

About the book...

The original Marathi book, Hridayastha, was published on 23rd May 2004, and the first edition was sold out within the first two months. The second edition did even better. So far twelwe thousand copies have been sold.

I never thought even in my wildest dreams that I would be called upon to give an account of Nitu and my life together, spanning more than three decades. However, looking back I realized that the minute I fell in love with Nitu, life took a strange and beautiful turn. One surprising event after the other kept unfolding. I was the one who got the most of this wonderful human being who tied so many people in the delicate bond of his love. I got the unique opportunity to see many innate facets of his personality, some tender, some rough, some humble and some aggressive.

As Nitu grew in stature, popularity and fame I basked in his glory. He never let go of my hand. It was as if he was drawing his energy from me. He was uncomfortable whenever I showed my displeasure over anything. Whenever he found me in a happy mood his heart seemed to soar, rather like an eagle towards his goals. I had a special place in his heart, an unwavering presence.  Aware of it, I used to draw great comfort and security from that feeling. I was always shy, unsure and defensive about my abilities. However, Nitu never failed to give me encouragement and praise me publicly. I was a willing companion to Nitu at every step of our life together. He was by my side as I grappled with my family issues and problems relating to my medical career. His mother had warned me in my first meeting with her, “He does exactly what he likes, he doesn’t like anybody to interfere with his decisions and nobody should try to do that.” I lived the truth of her statement till the very last minute. Come to think of it, I was not the kind who would be swept off my feet, but love is a tremendous energy. It helped me to counter a virtual hurricane called Nitu. I was not capable of understanding how soaring his ambitions were; however, when I saw his attempts to realize his dreams I became conscious at every step about his extraordinary qualities. I have the greatest regard for Nitu. I was constantly nagged by the feeling that while trying to reveal all facets of his colourful personality I would end up doing injustice to him and to the respect so many felt for him. But this book has been compared with the books of famous authors who have written about their life partners and that in itself is an acknowledgement of its merit.

After Nitu’s sudden death, my father, Kaka, wrote me a letter. He expressed a wish that I write about and reveal the various facets of Nitu’s personality and life. I realised that I too wanted to tell everything about Nitu, who had left for his journey into the next world without a word to anyone. When a close relative suggested that I am the right person to write Nitu's biography, I was shocked. I was not a writer. Moreover, I may not remember everything. I was plagued by self-doubt. I was in a trance for the first few months of writing about each aspect of Nitu’s temperament. It was as if I was meeting him again and again. It was as if he was preparing me for this moment all his life. The inspiration that he had given me during his lifetime will last me till the end of my life.

Many people told me that once they started reading the book they could not put it down until they reached the very end. The main reason for it is Nitu’s attractive personality. This book is a description of my life together with Nitu and the experiences I had gathered over the years.

If Nitu was alive he would have been happy with the response. The thought of his roaring laughter amuses me. He would have said, “Look, didn’t I tell you that mine was an extraordinary life, but you wanted to be a shy lily, bending your head all the time to the ground with embarrassment at the thought of somebody watching you. Now you are realising your own strength.”

I sincerely hope that through my efforts, our story inspires readers across the globe. In keeping with this thought, this year I resolved to reach a wider audience through this blog.

Dr. (Mrs) Alka N. Mandke.